I am
often asked what I think is causing the current high level of mental health
issues in our teenagers and is the current “epidemic” real or manufactured by
the media and society. I think it’s a mixture of both.
On
the one hand, I think that today’s teenagers are facing a wealth of challenges
that previous generations haven’t faced. On the other hand, as parents we
somehow feel it’s our responsibility to make our kids happy all the time and
take away all their pain. It’s not and we can’t; it’s an impossible task and we
should give up trying. Having challenges and difficulties is a normal part of growing
up and they will only emerge as a mature adult once they have learnt to
navigate life.
Here
are some beliefs that I think we need to foster in our kids to combat some of the challenges that society is throwing at them:
1) Emotions
are a normal part of being human. You will sometimes feel sad, angry, lonely,
frustrated, etc. This is normal, it doesn’t mean you need have a mental
illness. However, it might mean that you benefit from the support of another
human being - a friend, a parent, a neighbour, maybe sometimes a professional
such as a teacher or a counsellor. Or maybe you need to nurture yourself, do
your favourite thing such as listening to music or playing sport.
2) Life
doesn’t always give you what you want when you want it. Being used to waiting -
saving up for that new bit of kit, waiting until tomorrow to speak to your
friend, watching that video after you’ve done your homework, will massively
help you to have the patience that you will need to get through life.
3) Being
rich and famous doesn’t make you happy. In fact, there’s masses of evidence
that it does the opposite. Just think of all the famous people who have talked
about their mental health problems or taken an overdose. Those who are truly most
content know that the most important thing is what goes on in your head. Do you
say nice things to yourself? Or is there an inner critic constantly eating away
at you. Do you seek out genuine friends (however geeky they are) or do you
hang out with the “cool” crowd in the belief that it makes you a better person.
4) Having
a “perfect” body never made anyone happy either. And the most attractive trait
is an authentic smile on your face, radiating from being comfortable in your
own skin.
I know that list isn’t exhaustive, but it’s a start. So how
am I doing on these in my own parenting? Not too bad on some of them, but I’m
not sure that I’ve found effective ways to teach the delayed gratification idea
yet….any tips anyone?
